I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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