The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
