This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
