Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
