I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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