i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
