i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
