you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
