I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
