This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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