fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
ok first of all what the fuck
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
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