we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
