Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
