who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
