Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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