hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
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