I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
