I showed him my bush... on skype.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Randomize
