If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
