Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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