Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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