I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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