Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
don't judge my taste in strippers
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
