I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Randomize
