we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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