It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
