She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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