Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
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I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
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Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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