hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
