just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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