you guys were way drunker than both of me
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
