dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
