your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
