Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
