i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Congratulations! We have a period
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
