who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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