The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
