Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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