First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
