come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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