the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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