just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
God, I missed his penis.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
