Michael Bay diarrhea
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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