Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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