I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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