Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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