Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
