she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
foreskin is a definite game changer
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
