when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
