She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Girls should come with a carfax report
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Randomize
