how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
