That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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