went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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