bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
