Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
MIDGETS
????
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
