In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
