yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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