We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
where are you?
Hypothermia
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
