OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
