I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
