Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
