all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
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