I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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