At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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