the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
