Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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