Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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