the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
