when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
