I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
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